To Photograph or Not To Photograph...
My radar is always on, in watching my visual world, as my life plays out before me; I'm always looking for that big, emotional, powerful image. Sometimes, the human tragedy plays itself out right in front of you. Do you photograph it, or do you settle into the scene and become part of it, respecting the people more than the image, or story capture. In that moment, you are blind to what happened before, and to what drama will happen next. Darkness, then your moment of light to capture or live, then darkness.
This morning I was driving to go mountain biking, I was a bit late, because I'm lazy or depressed or something. In general things are pretty good for me, no big problems, no tragedy, I am not at rock bottom. I have a sense that the things you do, in moments of need, define who you are, and your value or worth to society. I also think, that these moments can be small circumstances or large.
I got on a two lane country highway, speed limit 50 mph, start accelerating, and noticed a woman walking on the side of the road. My first thought is that she is in trouble, has trauma or a personal tragedy. Well, that is a lot of circumstance to get from the first one second of looking at a situation. I thought, no, everything is fine. I keep looking, my thoughts are on a good image, a cold morning road, a person out of place, wearing a skirt, short sleeves, messy hair, no shoes and holding a dog like a baby. This is a kick a$$ photograph, leading lines, intrigue, I look at my thermometer in my car, it's 45 degrees, windy and the rain can't be far away. My thoughts are on pulling over to get a photograph without getting hit by a car or startling the woman, and her dog, which she is carrying like a baby.
The woman, with no shoes, on a cold highway shoulder, is walking kind of erradically, so I pull out to the middle of the highway, straddling the yellow, double line. I think that I should stop and ask if she needs some help, obviously she needs some help. I am late for my ride, I can't stop on the highway, I might get hit by a car. A good, and decent human being would stop and help. I drove by. What happens in a person's life in the few hours before they find themselves barefoot on the side of a cold highway carrying a dog? Is there a boy friend with his shotgun coming out soon? If I had stopped, would that shotgun get pointed at me? Would I become part of this drama if I go back? Surely someone behind me will stop, or a friend of hers is on their way. I drive for five minutes. I remember a quote from a Facebook post, "You are what you do, not what you say you'll do" -Carl Jung.
Alright, I turn around. Surely someone has helped this woman by now. At least I am giving it a shot, Carl Jung can turn his judgmental finger away from me. What does happen in a person's life right before they end up on the side of cold highway, barefoot, carrying a dog like a baby? This shotgun wielding boyfriend in a jacked up 4x4 seems like the next chapter, and what happens when I am meddling where I don't belong? She is probably not there still.
Well, there she is! Same disheveled woman, skirt, short sleeves, no shoes, holding a dog like a baby. I roll by, turn around and pull up next to her. What the hell do I say, I thought. I roll down the window and ask if she is o.k., and does she need some help? She says yes, I just got kicked out, can I give her a ride to town? While we drive to town, I am nervous that she is going to do something crazy. She is pretty messed up, definitely not in her right mind; she is at rock bottom. The woman was "kicked out", so I asked her where I can drop her off in the next town. She said at the church she works at. This was a big relief because I didn't want to drop her off on another cold street, and I really didn't want to take care of her is someway. I felt very happy about this church idea, although it was about 10 miles away. I guess her plan was to walk all the way there. When you are in this kind of desperate, personal tragedy, and you only have time to take what you can hold, what do you take. Well, she took a skirt, a shirt, her dog, a cigarette and a lighter. Nothing else. I repeat, nothing else, on the side of a cold highway, with a 10 mile journey ahead.
I escaped without being chased or shot by my imagined person that kicked her out. I put some good into the universe, I hope. I must confess, my biggest thought and dilemma was to ask her if I could take a picture of her and her dog. That was just decidedly too rude and heartless, condescending and a bunch of other wrongs, I guess. I thought maybe I could just ask her to photograph her dog.
In the end, I just decided to let the moment be a moment, a memory that would not be captured in a photograph. The unsettling part is the darkness before this moment, and the darkness after. The light, in a present moment images a photograph to be shown and reflected upon in the future. Before it, is darkness or the unknown, and after it, darkness again, and more unknown.
Photography is singular in it's action related to time, it has no past, and no future. Photography only has the present moment. It's story is always singular, never a past or future. Photography is like a woman wearing a skirt, a short sleeve shirt, no shoes, walking on the shoulder of a cold highway, carrying a dog like a baby. What happened before? What will happen next? We will never know...but we can speculate.
